My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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