so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Welp...herpes.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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