Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
