she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
