I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize