I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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