I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
