Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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