she was so not down for the gang bang
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
