last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
