i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
