I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize