So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
