I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you win again, gameday.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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