Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
