And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
