So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
honey bunches of taint.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
