I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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