I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
