Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Non-Jews are for practice
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
