I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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