Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
