I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize