IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
