I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
