I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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