Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
