sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
