I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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