I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
