Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
