No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
