I accidentally burped into my bong.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
