What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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