okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
