Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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