And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
