he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
