You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
