I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
