I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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