This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
