he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
