You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
