i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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