if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
