it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
