R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
