wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
