god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
