Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
