The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
