First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
