you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
