And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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