Having a random hookup so left but love u
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
