We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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