I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
