How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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