Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
