I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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