i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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