This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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