we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize