last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
