How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
