i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
