I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
